Why do we have such a love/hate relationship with scales? For years I never weighed myself. I knew my weight was going up, which made me a bad person. Not saying that's true, but what's what I felt. When you grow up hearing how your mother is so ugly because she is fat, then your husband thinks the same way, it's no wonder I avoided the scale. Being made to feel that way made me defiant and passive aggressive about it. It's amazing how the ways we choose to cope with things in our lives as a young person continue to impact the way we think so many years later. But I digress....
I weighed myself earlier this week and it looked like I had gained almost two pounds. Two pounds! Hardly what should have sent me into the tailspin of feeling like I'm such a big, fat loser. I want to be a loser, as in I'm losing weight, but that's not the same. Then this morning I weighed myself and had lost 1.4 pounds from BEFORE I had the two pound gain. I weigh myself every morning, which I know I shouldn't do according to Weight Watchers, but I like seeing the numbers go down. If do they go up, I don't notate it in myfitnesspal.com, but I am aware of it.
"Normal" size people fluctuate in their weight all the time. I've heard that some people fluctuate as much as 10 pounds. They don't freak out about it and tell themselves they're worthless. At least I don't think they do. Why do we larger size people do that to ourselves?
I know rationally it is because mainstream media bombards us daily with images of what "normal" is. Seriously? A normal size person has no hips, no breasts, and bones protruding everywhere? Is Lee Ann Rimes the new normal? I hope not. Marilyn Monroe wore a size 14, but now she would be considered a plus size model. Society is placing too much emphasis on superficial things.
I've lost 46.6 pounds so far. I'm halfway to onederland, that wonderful place where there is no longer a 2 at the front of my weight. I'm doing this to be healthier and, yes, to feel better about myself. Jim thinks I'm beautiful and sexy, which makes me feel that way. I like that feeling! I will NOT allow myself to fall back into the unhealthy feelings about weight that have plagued me all my life. I will say something when another woman says something along the lines of "I'm so bad, I ate a _______." We are not BAD people. If I felt the people who says these kinds of things were just being funny, it wouldn't bother me so much. I think they believe they are bad people because they ate something that might not have been the best choice. Eat it, enjoy it, and move on. We are not what we eat. We are not what we weigh.
God made us in His image. How can we not be beautiful?
